a starbucks barista on tinder just tried to explain to me what black coffee is.
his profile was something like “if you don’t like starbucks i probably hate you” and i messaged him like “i like their fancy drinks but their black coffee is gross. thoughts?” and he said “uh black coffee is coffee with no add-ons like cream or sugar.” and i was like “……yep!” and he said “son there are so many types of coffee, you don’t even know.” i feel like im talking to a robot posing as a human barista
me, circa early 1800s, paying a stable boy a few coppers to ride overnight to deliver you an urgent letter with a thick wax seal that after you struggle to break it just says “bitch!” in tiny little writing
finding out picasso died in 1973 feels like the fakest thing ive ever heard. everyone talks about him like he lived in a cave with nothing but a torch and paint he made from berries or bear shit or somethin but nah this dude probably sat down watchin looney tunes thinkin “damn i should draw some dude with a nose on his forehead thatd be dope” i feel so lied to
ok so the other night i had a dream about reading creepypasta and i dreamt that i read the scariest creepypasta EVER and in the dream it seemed so hair-raising but thinking back now it was like
“i signed into xbox live and i had a message from a guy i beat in a game that said ‘i have long feet and i’m gonna get you’”
and then the narrator went to bed and woke up with long feet guy stretching his feet from across the world in through the narrator’s window and into his bed
and i woke up with my heart POUNDING i was so scared Long Feet Man was gonna touch me with his long feet
Penhales 