Uncategorized – Page 201

vampireapologist:

im in the library working of some final papers and the dude across from me at this study staton just did the sign of the cross before he started typing something so that’s where he’s at rn

dafunk:

at work we have a bartender named tyler and he collects wine corks so we put them in a little box for him and another bartender makes fun of him cause his t’s look like l’s so she wrote “lyler’s corks” and i saw it this morning and i grabbed a marker and changed the ‘c’ to a ‘g’

and after he left a bartender came up to me and said “aww lyler left his gorks” and i lost it

tandembicycles:

greedtheavariciouslygay:

somecunttookmyurl:

tandembicycles:

somecunttookmyurl:

tandembicycles:

what if we called “flat” soda “flaccid” soda instead

hey, tandem?

I’m out for the evening

ok i’ll wait

Tandem, come home and face the horror you’ve created

no

gr8writingtips:

when you have a really clear, utterly beautiful image of a location in your story but when you go to describe it you just

nest:

this is this guy’s entire tinder bio and i am OBSESSED with how it is phrased

bootyscientist2:

Y’all see a fat woman and suddenly everyone is a cardiologist. Shut the fuck up.

scaryinseconds:

scaryinseconds:

my dad was visiting the new house my parents are moving to and he noted how quiet it is from the lack of traffic noise, he described it as, “Quiet as bone, bone silent”

you can’t afford to ignore this

valammar:

valammar:

valammar:

my mom is 61 and her bf is a huge nerd and he’s teaching her to play magic the gathering and he had her watch avatar the last airbender with him and his ringtone is terra’s theme from final fantasy 6 and he paints pictures of sephiroth. my mom’s bf is nerdier than i’ll ever be.

and she does all these pinterest crafts and now she makes little bejeweled vials of healing potions for him and his buddies. my little geek heart can’t handle all this.

edit: just picture a 60-something woman with a VERY thick minnesotan accent saying “mike is having me watch the naruto”

just fyi my mom is now 62 and they finished watching “the naruto”

if i had told my 13-year-old self that this is what my mom’s hallway would look like when i was 30 i wouldn’t have believed me

@fish-d

aprilsnardini:

how come we’re always forced to choose between kids and a job??? i dont want either

sarahtaylorgibson:

Romantic opium binges and fainting couches are all well and good but kids these days just don’t appreciate the late 19th century occultism aesthetic. Get some ceremonial robes, take up pipe-smoking and radical political views, wave some hyssop branches around and claim to have received revelation from mysterious higher beings. Transliterate your name into a Semitic language or sign all your letters with a mysterious Latin abbreviations; schism from your secret society to form a new, even more secret society! Paint a circle on your wealthy parent’s library floor and summon up spirits of indeterminate origin!