I am 100% convinced that “exit, pursued by a bear” is a reference to some popular 1590s meme that we’ll never be able to understand because that one play is the only surviving example of it.
Seriously, we’ll never figure it out. I’ll wager trying to understand “exit, pursued by a bear” with the text of The Winter’s Tale as our primary source is like trying to understand loss.jpg when all you have access to is a single overcompressed JPEG of a third-generation memetic mutation that mashes it up with YMCA and “gun” – there’s this whole twitching Frankensteinian mass of cultural context we just don’t have any way of getting at.
no, but this is why people do the boring archival work! because we think we do know why “exit, pursued by a bear” exists, now, and we figured it out by looking at ships manifests of the era –
it’s also why there was a revival of the unattributed and at the time probably rather out of fashion mucedorus at the globe in 1610 (the same year as the winter’s tale), and why ben jonson wrote a chariot pulled by bears into his court masque oberon, performed on new year’s day of 1611.
we think the answer is polar bears.
no, seriously! in late 1609 the explorer jonas poole captured two polar bear cubs in greenland and brought them home to england, where they were purchased by the beargarden, the go-to place in elizabethan london for bear-baiting and other ‘animal sports.’ it was at the time run by edward alleyn (yes, the actor) and his father-in-law philip henslowe (him of the admiral’s men and that diary we are all so very grateful for), and would have been very close, if not next to, the globe theatre.
of course, polar bear cubs are too little and adorable for baiting, even to the bloodthirsty tudor audience, aren’t they? so, what to do with the little bundles of fur until they’re too big to be harmless? well, if there’s anything we know about the playwrights and theatre professionals of the time, it’s that they knew how to make money and draw in audiences. and the spectacle of a too-small-to-be-dangerous-yet-but-still-real-live-and-totally-WHITE-bear? what good entertainment businessman is going to turn down that opportunity?
and, voila, we have a death-by-bear for the unfortunate antigonus, thereby freeing up paulina to be coupled off with camillo in the final scene, just as the comedic conventions of the time would expect.
you’re telling me it was an ACTUAL BEAR
every time I think to myself “history can’t possibly get any more bananas” I realize or am made to realize that I am badly mistaken
This is the money Charizard. Reblog and you will money tomorrow.
That first edition Base set Holo Charizard with shadowless border (meaning first print) is actually worth about $5k+ if in mint condition so hell fucking yeah I’ll reblog the Money Charizard.
“Even with my vast experience and superior intellect, it would take me years.”
“You know what this means? It means that all that treasure is only a boat ride away.”
“Whoever brings it back would hold an eternal place atop the pantheon of explorers!”
“This is it. This is the answer to all our problems.”
“Don’t you remember all those stories?”
“With that treasure, we could rebuild our home a hundred times over.”
“Would you please explain how ridiculous this is?”
“It’s totally preposterous traversing the entire galaxy alone. That’s why I’m going with you.”
“All my life I’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this and here it is screaming.”
“Okay, you’re both grounded!”
“I know that I keep messing everything up and I know that I let you down, but this is my chance to make it up to you.”
“There are much worse remedies than a few character-building months in space.”
“Are you saying this because it’s the right thing or because you really want to go?”
“This should be a wonderful opportunity for the two of us to get to know one another.”
“You know what they say, familiarity breeds, well, contempt.”
“I’ve checked this miserable ship from stern to stern, and as usual, it’s spot on.”
“Nasty business, but I won’t bore you with my scars.”
“You’ve met my first officer, sterling, tough, dependable, honest, brave, and true.”
“Oh shut up, you know I don’t mean a word of it.”
“I’d like a word with you in my stateroom.”
“To muse and blabber about a treasure map in front of this particular crew demonstrates a level of ineptitude that borders on the imbecilic.”
“In the future you will address me as captain or ma’am.”
“With the greatest possible respect, zip your howling screamer.”
“Let me make this as monosyllabic as possible.”
“I don’t care much for this crew you hired.”
“I said something rather good this morning before coffee.”
“I’d love to chat with tea, cake, the whole shebang, but I have a ship to launch.”
“Who does she think is working for whom?”
“I’ll not tolerate a cross word about our captain!”
“There’s no finer officer in this or any galaxy.”
“Old family recipe. In fact, that was part of the old family!”
“I’m nothin’ if I ain’t a kidder.”
“Who be a humble cyborg to argue with a captain?”
“We best be keepin’ a sharp eye on this one, eh? We wouldn’t want him straying into things he shouldn’t.”
“Come on, you scurvy scum! I’ll race you!”
“Brace yourself.”
“Tis a grand day for sailing, captain.”
“You can keep that kind of flim-flammery for your spaceport floozies.”
“You cut me to the quick. I speak nothing but my heart at all times.”
“Cabin boys should learn to mind their own business.”
“You know the rules. There’ll be no brawling on this ship.”
“If you pardon my plain speaking, gentlemen, are you all stark-raving, totally blinking daft?!”
“After all my finagling getting us hired as an upstanding crew, you want to blow the whole mutiny before it’s time?”
“Didn’t your pa ever teach you to pick your fights a bit more carefully?”
“Your father’s not the teachin’ sort.”
“Since the captain has put you in my charge, like it or not, I’ll be pounding a few skills into that thick head of yours to keep you out of trouble.”
“I am a question to the world, not an answer to be heard.”
“What do you think you’d ever say? I won’t listen anyway.”
“You don’t know me and I’ll never be what you want me to be.”
“I’m a boy? No. I’m a man.”
“You can’t take me and throw me away.”
“How can you lean what’s never shown?”
“They don’t know me cause I’m not here.”
“I want a moment to be real, want to touch things I don’t feel.”
“I want to hold on and feel I belong?”
“How can the world want me to change? They’re the ones that stay the same.”
“You see the things they never see.”
“All you wanted, I could be.”
“Now you know me and I’m not afraid.”
“Can you help me be a man?”
“They can’t break me as long as I know who I am.”
“The words are just whispers and lies that I’ll never believe.”
“If I could maneuver a skiff like that when I was your age, they’d be bowing in the streets when I walked by today.”
“They weren’t exactly singing my praises when I left home.”
“I got some plans, gonna make people see me a little different.”
“Sometimes plans go astray.”
“You give up a few things chasing a dream.”
“Make sure all lifelines are secured good and tight.”
“I have a lot of help to offer anatomically…er…astronomically.”
“He was finer that most of us could ever hope to be, but he knew the risks, as do we all.”
“It wasn’t your fault, you know?”
“Look, don’t you get it?! I screwed up!”
“For two seconds, I thought that maybe I could do something right…”
“You got the makings of greatness in ya, but you gotta take the helm and chart your own course.”
“When the time comes and you get the chance to really test the cut of your skills and show what you’re made of, I hope I’m there catching some of the light coming off ya.”
“I’m getting in too deep here. Next thing ya know, they’ll be saying I’ve gone soft.”
“What we’re saying is we’re sick of all this waiting.”
“I say we kill ‘em all now.”
“That boy, methinks you have a soft spot for him.”
“You think I’d risk it all for the sake of some nose-wiping little whelp?”
“I cozied up to that kid to keep him off our scent, but I ain’t gone soft.”
“Well, I was never much good at games.”
“Strike our colors.”
“Pirates on my ship? I’ll see they all hang.”
“Defend this with your life.”
“Did you actually aim for that?”
“That was more fun than I ever want to have again.”
“I just want to hug you and squeeze you and hold you close to me.”
“Would you just let go of me?”
“I’ve been marooned for so long. I mean, solitude’s fine. Don’t get me wrong.”
“Look, I’m kind of in a hurry, okay? I got to find a place to hide, and there’s pirates chasing me.”
“Oh, pirates! Don’t get me started on pirates!”
“But then….you gotta know about the treasure?”
“I’m sorry. My memory isn’t what it used to be.”
“I’ve lost my mind!”
“If you’re gonna come along, you’re gonna have to stop talking.”
“Touching and talking, that’s my two big no-no’s.”
“I find old-fashioned romance so touching, don’t you?”
“How about drinks for the happy couple?”
“Stop giving orders for a few miliseconds and lie still.”
“If it’s all right with the captain, I’d like a short word with ya.”
“Whatever you heard back there, at least the part concering you, I didn’t mean a word of it.”
“Had that bloodthirsty lot thought I’d gone soft, they’d have gutted us both.”
“If we play our cards right, we can both walk away from this rich as kings.”
“You get me that map, and an even portion of the treasure is yours.”
“At least you taught me one thing. Stick to it, right?”
“I’m gonna make sure that you never see one doubloon of my treasure!”
“The treasure is owed by me, by thunder!”
“You still don’t know how to pick your fights, do you boy?”
“I’m an astronomer, not a doctor. I mean, I am a doctor, but I’m not that kind of doctor.”
“You can’t help people with a doctorate. You just sit there, and you’re useless.”
“I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to see my life pass in front of my eyes. At least I think it’s my life.”
“I smell treasure a-waitin’.”
“This is all seeming very familiar, can’t remember why.”
“A life time of searching, and at long last, I can touch it.”
“A mind is a terrible thing to lose!”
“If I’m not there in a few minutes, leave without me.”
“All my life, I dreamed of an adventure like this. I’m just sorry I couldn’t have been more helpful to you.”
“Aren’t you the seventh wonder of the universe?”
“I like you, lad, but I’ve come too far to let you stand between me and my treasure.”
“It’s just a lifelong obsession, I’ll get over it.”
“Didn’t I say the lad had greatness in him?”
“I’d be proud to recommend you to the intersterllar academy. They could use a man like you.”
“I know you don’t like touching, but get ready for a hug big guy!”
“Oh, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry! Does anyone have a tissue?”
“If you don’t mind, we’d just as soon avoid prison.”
“Being in a cage, it’d break his heart!”
“What say you ship out with us, lad? You and me, full of ourselves and no ties to anyone!”
“Look at you, you’re something special. You’re gonna rattle the stars you are.”
“I need you to keep an eye on this here pup.”
“Stay out of trouble, ya old scalawag!”
“It’s good to see the sun and feel this place. This place I never thought would feel like home.”
“I always thought I’d end up here alone.”
“Somehow the world has changed and I’ve come home to give you back the things they took from you.”
“When I see myself, I always know where you are.”
“Sometimes it’s got to hurt before you feel.”
“I’m strong and I won’t kneel, except to thank who’s watching over me.”
so i wanted to compile a list of memes that it’s always sunny in philadelphia has given us and there turned out to be a lot more than i expected so here (part two)
Okay but chapters 17 and 18 of Inkheart. For those of you who need recollecting, that’s when Meggie and Co. are taken into the tumbledown church where Capricorn holds court, which I will remind you has been defiled and washed a violent, decadent bloodred. The statue of the saints have been pulled down an replaced with a garish statue of self-worshiping, megalomaniac Capricorn, and he’s erected a throne on the spot where the altar once stood. Capricorn, deathly pale Capricorn with his crimson robes, is always described in terms of absolute evil (we’re not going to talk about the fact that Capricorn is the astrological sign of the goat, which is traditionally associated with Satan) so I don’t think it’s a stretch to pick up some hellish overtones here. And then there’s Dustfinger, the betrayer, crouched on the steps leading up to the throne like a dog at the seat of his master, stinking from the guilt of dragging a self-sacrificing magical man (or girl, alternate readings are a thing) in for humiliation and extortion, and if that doesn’t smack of Judas I don’t know what does.
And then it gets better because Dustfinger is ordered to light the fire that consumes nearly every copy of Inkheart, and even though he rebels at the last second, the damage has already been done. While knowledge (and the salvation it offers) is consumed by flames Capricorn assures Mo that he’s always been able to have as many worldly servants as he likes because "there’s a lonely boy who wants to play with fire in every village.“ And I know that line is not addressed to Dustfinger, our sineater, our trickster, our tragic never-the-hero poised on the precipice of light and darkness with his soul up for grabs, but it’s not a frikin accident.
For such stalwartly humanistic work (Cornelia Funke makes it clear that Meggie is quite happy to have grown up without God and is moderately baffled when it comes to religion) it is just rife with religious imagery. And no I don’t think it’s allegorical or anything, I was just like what a beautiful muddle of symbolism and had to share.
Penhales 