remember the wayside school books those were fucked up
remember that one chapter where a new student came to the class and was wearing like 10 different raincoats and the teacher kept making him take off the raincoats one by one until they got down to the final layer and it was just a dead rat
remember when one of the students tripped and fell on the staircase and ended up getting trapped on the 19th story which was like an eternal limbo where she had to take classes with people who didn’t exist and write down the numbers from one to one million alphabetically over and over
remember that one teacher who turned her entire class into apples and then she accidentally turned herself into an apple and the janitor walked in and ATE HER and then in the next book her son shows up as a teacher and stole everyone’s voices by sucking them up through his nostrils
If you’re one of those people who thinks executive dysfunction only happens for things we don’t like (school, cleaning,) then please consider the fact that I’ve been meaning to plug my phone in for 20 minutes and I’m now at 2% and still putting it off to write this post ¯_(ツ)_/¯
… I put off video games, often, thinking about how fun it would be to play video games.
I think I just learned the name of the thing I experience.
french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy
Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.
Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts
Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.
Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three
Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.
Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.
Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl
ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion.
internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.
Irish recipes:
indonesian recipes: fry them all together in a huge pan, a wok, a gong, whatever put soy sauce in it
forget howl lets talk about the real Stealer of the Show, spicy mama Prince Justin. how about a little fire scarecrow indeed mmmm
i mentally wrote this post in the shower because i remembered him being a lot cuter but now i realize he looks like anthropomorphic banana pudding. well the lesson here is that we tried. prince justin tried and i think that’s something we can all relate to. sometimes you come out on top and sometimes you’re delicious custard
Penhales 