i take back everything i said about people wanting to fuck clocks or skeletons or whatever if it means people will stop writing out fantasies about what 7 real ass dudes would be like if they were into piss and how they would react to you revealing that you have salmonella in the middle of sex
i was born and raised and still live in oregon which is a little place you guys might know as “the big moist”. but here’s a fun fact. in the transition period between seasons there’s like a 50/50 chance it will get insanely dry and windy for a week. and here’s the scoop. here’s the hot load. hear me out. if i get static shocked one more fucking time im going to get one of those little pet stairs that let your short legged dogs get on furniture. and im going to use it to take my little ass up on to the pearly gates. and im going to bite god
had a dream WoW released BFA but they called it Big Fucking Asses, and the only thing that changed in the whole game was that every humanoid model had these HUGE behinds. Like, I’m talking fetish levels of huge. And when unveiling it they said something along the lines of ‘we spent 50 million dollars perfecting the badonk-ka-donk physics engine to give you the ultimate immersive game-play experience’. Then at the end of the speech, we got to see some game-play and it just had ‘Welcome to ASS-eroth’ constantly on the top of the UI, the guy was like ‘yeah we don’t know how to get rid of that’, and I just fucking lost it.
Ok so my dude has to take hydrocodone right before bed now and it’s led to these fucking hilarious, long vocalizations that happen out of absolutely nowhere and he seems to be completely unaware of them.
Example:
Just fucking now, as I typed this, he went, “mmmMMMMMMNNNGGG” followed shortly after by “Hm?” as if his own goddamn groaning confused him.
Things I like about this decal on a restaurant window:
-the insane orange waiter
-that he’s carrying his plates in the air like a strongman
-the couple looks like this isn’t the first time he’s done this, but it’s easier to just let it happen at this point.
-the sign says PASTA as if he’s screaming it like a frankenstein
-but he’s holding a plate of an entire chicken and a plate of wine glasses
-there’s three wine glasses
-one’s for him.
Penhales 