revelations from comparing tanz der vampire and pirates of the caribbean, which is truly a niche interest venn diagram:
tanz is like if jack and barbossa were the same dude and will turner and james norrington were also the same dude, so like. if the older, mephistophelean love interest had no sex appeal but the younger, more viable love interest was a fucking square
the monkey serves a similar narrative purpose as koukol
elizabeth has better clothes, a better dad, and a better narrative arc than sarah, but sarah still has a better ending
lastly i leave you with this imagery: please imagine the opening of act II of tdv but it’s davy jones’ love theme playing on the organ
people end up vampires in tdv the same way people end up pirates in potc
ALRIGHT so I was supposed to write a ficlet for an anon back in December about Krolfred dancing all night at the Mitternachtsball, long after all of their guests left, and life got very busy as I left to go home for a week. TLDR; I didn’t finish it.
So, for you, I went ahead and tried my hand at completing it. They don’t dance all night, but I thought it might be nice to catch them in a meaningful moment at the end of all of the festivities. I hope you like it!
A cold, late night wind filtered through the cracks of
the ancient slate-grey walls of Schloss von Krolock, just before the clock
struck the first hour of the early morning. The pale and beautiful faces of the
Mitternachtsball began to dwindle, one by one, drifting like loose dandelion
seeds back to their guest chambers.
The ball had been different that year. December 21st,
the night of the solstice, as it had been since the first ball, four hundred
years and counting. However, as the other balls had been grand celebrations of
blood sacrifice, willing or not, the 405th Mitternachtsball held a
highly dissonant tone by comparison to balls long past.
No living guests wandered the labyrinthine halls, and
no hellish monsters gorged themselves on mortal blood. Each guest was to arrive
having eaten beforehand, to gather within the palace walls as civil, orderly,
presentable undead nobles. The new Consort had seen to that. The first four
balls at which he’d attempted the change in tradition were all rough, and
sometimes the guests even took to feeding on each other, but he’d known it
would take on the fifth try. He’d applied his skilled hand and entirely devoted
himself to the improvement of the castle itself, to repairing the guest accommodations,
replacing the heavy curtains that kept them all alive, and even to reorganizing
the feeding schedules and methods.
The new Consort was a busy dead man, indeed.
In return, the Count had dedicated the 405th
Mitternachtsball in his honor. Gold and moss green decorations replaced the
typical black and silver that haunted the massive ballroom, lending a light and
a life that none of the ball guests had yet witnessed in their un-lifetimes. The
tall, arching windows were left uncovered to reveal the vast forest and clear
sky. It was fortunate weather, and good weather was to be taken as an omen for
the rest of the year’s feedings. The Consort did not understand this tradition
and insisted that it was likely not linked to scientific thought. The Count
maintained that it was their one
tradition they had kept since the beginning, and they would continue to keep it
until time ran dry. The Consort was not amused, but understood it was harmless
enough.
The ball went off with few hitches, but the Viscount
ensured that such interruptions were dealt with swiftly and easily. It was
difficult to pursue argument against a fellow with half as fierce of a wit and
with half as decorous of an outfit, let alone the glittering, fire-spitting
beast that was the Viscount that night. Between a Chaconne and a Minuet, the
Viscount could be seen casting a watchful eye around the ballroom, daring any
guest to break from the decorum and earn his wrath. A performance comprised of equal
shares of theater and terror; a quality all Mitternachtsballs were required to
feature. The theatrics, too, came to a close, and like the loose leaves that
had fled the trees some months ago, the Viscount joined the ranks of the
enchanted undead, retiring to his glamorous bower.
The Consort stood for some time after the departure of
their guests, watching the sky for the first signs of the new day. For them,
the birth of the new year. Like a rich, deep blue velvet dotted with crystals, the sky gave
no sign of the swiftly ending year.
“My dear, perhaps it is time
that we too take our leave.”
They were the last of the revelers, the orchestra having
taken their exit some time ago.
“I believe I should like
to watch, this time.”
The Count could not deny the Consort anything that was
asked of him, having once promised to provide anything that the Consort might
require, and the Consort required a reminder of the life that he had been forced
to sacrifice. Such a request could not go unanswered, much less unsatisfied.
“Of
course, Alfred.”
Like two carved stone likenesses, they stood, watching
for signs of the rising star before the vast window, the last window that
remained uncovered.
“What
a privilege it is-”
The Consort murmured,
“-to
never tire of this.”
The darkness lightened from a never ending deep blue to
an amethyst glow, framing the beauty of the trees and catching the reflective
white of the snow. The Count cast his eyes down and away, but the Consort watched
the purple and grey give way to gold, highlighting the golden accents adorning
the ballroom still. At long last the Count joined the Consort once more,
watching the great star threaten to become visible just above the line of the
mountains, and then he turned his gaze to the sun-gold curls of his partner in
undeath.
Even after four hundred and five years, the Count
supposed that it was true.
I was going though some old stuff and found an old Les Miserables playbill from 2002. Inside, I found an article about Michael Crawford and the upcoming production of Dance of the Vampires. It gives you a look into why this musical was not super successful on Broadway.
*The last paragraph does mention 9/11, so if this is a trigger for you, I suggest you skip it.*
Knowing that the film The Fearless Vampire Killers had a mainly British crew who were given to practical jokes on set, and that the person in the graveyard couldn’t possibly be the Count since – for openers – they weren’t in the crypt, I frankly never bought into it to begin with, no matter what alternate etymology people turned up in other languages.
(In fact, that’s literally the only thing I’ve ever said every time someone brought it up: the Count reposes in the crypt, not in a simple grave. There would be no marker for him outside, it would make no sense. And, assuming the Hungarian origin for the name is correct, a vampire named Breda… doesn’t that seem like the kind of in-joke only Giovanni would find funny?)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the fandom’s efforts, and all the stuff you guys have turned up over the years to justify a shot of a random gravestone in the movie (including that cute bit about “names were often passed down in aristocratic families, so even if it’s not his grave, it could still be his name” – the lengths people will go to in order to retain cherished headcanon!) is attention to detail that is nothing short of mind-boggling. But the simplest explanation is often best, and to me, given what I’ve noted above, what makes the most sense is that it is simply not his name.
I will also add that in my time working on the show, though admittedly I never went out of my way to ask, no one ever mentioned the Count having a first name, which is something you’d think would come up – at least in passing – if there was one. The only production to give him one, to my knowledge, was the American one, and I think we all know better than to count that as canon.
If you wanna believe he’s Breda, go ahead, fine. Headcanon is headcanon. If you wanna believe you yourself are not a human being but in fact a palm tree, go ahead, fine. Headcanon is headcanon. Just know that the preponderance of evidence suggests it is not true in the text (or reality, in the case of the palm tree) itself.
Ingredients!
½ cup unsalted butter, at cool room temperature
2/3 cup brown sugar, light or dark, firmly packed
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt (you should have plenty)
1 ½ cups mashed ripe bananas (about 3 medium or 2 large bananas)
3 tablespoons apricot jam or orange marmalade, optional but tasty
¼ cup honey
2 large eggs
2 and ¼ cups of flour
½ cup chopped walnuts, optional
Instructions!
Preheat the oven to 325°F. Lightly grease a 9" x 5" loaf pan; or a 12" x 4" tea loaf pan.
In a large bowl, combine the butter, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, baking soda, baking powder, and salt, beating till smooth.
Add the mashed bananas, jam, honey, and eggs, again beating until smooth.
Add the flour, then the walnuts, stirring just until smooth.
Spoon the batter into the prepared loaf pan, smoothing the top. Let it rest at room temperature for 10 minutes.
Bake the bread for 45 minutes, then gently lay a piece of aluminum foil across the top, to prevent over-browning.
Bake for an additional 25 minutes (20 minutes if you’re baking in a tea loaf pan). Remove the bread from the oven; a long toothpick or cake tester inserted into the center should come out clean, with at most a few wet crumbs clinging to it. The tester shouldn’t show any sign of uncooked batter. If it does, bake the bread an additional 5 minutes, or until it tests done.
Allow the bread to cool for 10 minutes in the pan. Remove it from the pan, and cool it completely on a rack.
Chop the chocolate. Mix sugar and eggs thoroughly with foam, mix in nuts, chocolate, raisins, flour and baking powder.
From the dough 2-3 oblong loaves, spread with egg yolk and put on a baking sheet covered with baking paper.
For top / bottom heat 180 ° C bake for approx. 40-45 minutes.
Slice the loaves while still hot.
HEY HOW ABOUT SOME BLOOD ORANGE DESSERT BREAD??? It’s Graf’s favorite when I make it especially for him! Right, @askgrafvonkrolock ???
BLOOD ORANGE DESSERT BREAD
Ingredients
2 cups all-purpose flour
½ cup granulated sugar
1½ teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 cup whole milk
1 egg
¼ cup olive oil
zest of 2 blood orange (or 1 blood orange and 2 lemons)
juice of 1 blood orange + 1 teaspoon granulated sugar
powdered sugar, for decoration (optional)
Instructions
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Line a standard 9×5 loaf pan with parchment, or grease well with butter or oil.
Whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Set aside. In another bowl, whisk together the milk, egg and olive oil. Gently stir the wet mixture into the dry mixture, until a shaggy batter has formed – don’t overmix your batter! Fold in your blood orange and/or lemon zest.
Use a wooden spoon or a spatula to spread the batter into your prepared pan. Bake for 40-50 minutes, until set and a toothpick comes out clean (my loaf took about 40 minutes).
When the bread is almost ready, bring the juice of 1 blood orange and 1 teaspoon of sugar to a simmer, stirring until the sugar dissolves (*note: you can add more sugar if you like to make the syrup sweeter). When the quick bread comes out of the oven, poke 10-12 small holes with a chopstick or something similarly sized over the top of the bread, then pour the blood orange syrup over the bread. Let the loaf cool for 20 minutes or so before slicing – serve with a little butter and honey on the side, or feel free to sprinkle with powdered sugar and serve as a light dessert with whipped cream.
Vanükipfl (ohne Ei wei wonst des mit am Ei mochst druck i da ane)
250g Möh
200g Butta
100g Nüss (griabn, und dos ma ja koana haslnüs nehmts mandln bitches)
80g Staubzucka
Oane Prisn Salz
vier packln Vanüzucka
Ois zu am Mürbteig verkneten
In a folie eina und in die chillkammer für a hoibe stund B)
Beten
Teig zu ona rolln auswuzln, stickl obaschneidn und kleine baby rolln wuzln
fluchn woi der scheiss is hart oida
Kiplf mochn und auf a eingfetts blech legn
zwanzg minuten in am vorgeheizten rohr bei 160 grad backn
in vanüzucka baden und rehrn wei da die hoibe portion hin wird
Fertig bitches B)
GARLIC BREAD (I couldn’t resist)
Ingredients
1 cup 8 oz warm water
2 tablespoons white sugar
2 teaspoons active dry yeast
2 tablespoons unsalted butter softened
1 cup 8 oz milk (I used 1%)
2 ½ teaspoons salt
5 ½ – 6 ½ cups 1 lb 9 oz – 2 lbs 3 oz bread flour
For Topping:
8 tablespoons butter melted
¼ cup fresh parsley finely chopped (or 4 teaspoons dried)
2 Tablespoon fresh oregano or 1 teaspoon dried oregano
4 cloves garlic minced
2 teaspoons salt
INSTRUCTIONS
Add warm water to the bowl, Sprinkle water with sugar and yeast. Stir and let stand 5-10 minutes until foamy.
Mix in butter, milk, salt and 3 cups flour. Stir in additional flour gradually. Add enough flour until dough is smooth. Knead for 7-10 minutes. Dough should stick to the bottom of the bowl but clears sides. It will be soft and slightly sticky.) Divide dough into 2 equal portions.
Cut dough into 1-in. pieces; dip into butter mixture. Layer the buttery pieces into 2 – greased 8-in. x 4-in. loaf pans. Cover loaves and let rise until doubled, about 1 hour. Meanwhile preheat oven to 350 degrees 15 minutes prior to the full rise.
In a small bowl, combine the butter, parsley, oregano and minced garlic. Set aside.
Bake at 350° for 30 minutes or until golden brown. The temperature of the baked loaves should read 200 degrees. Sprinkle with kosher salt.
Penhales 