Maybe I’m an old man but goddamn, these vampires with blood dripping down their chins–that’s your food!! THAT’S YOUR FOOD!! Close!! Your!! Mouth!! You think some asshole slobbering chicken noodle soup or yogurt or clam chowder all down themselves would be sexy??? What makes you any different, you sticky-stained slackjawed screwball??? Close your mouth!! Use a napkin!! And for godssakes stop looking so smug, like, “Oooo, I’m a creature of the night look at what sustains me” yeah uh huh a fucking lack of basic hygiene is what I’m seeing and it is not impressive!! At all!! My nephews are three years old and they drool less than you do!! You’re how many centuries old?!?! ACT LIKE IT
Maybe I’m an old man but goddamn, these vampires with blood dripping down their chins–that’s your food!! THAT’S YOUR FOOD!! Close!! Your!! Mouth!! You think some asshole slobbering chicken noodle soup or yogurt or clam chowder all down themselves would be sexy??? What makes you any different, you sticky-stained slackjawed screwball??? Close your mouth!! Use a napkin!! And for godssakes stop looking so smug, like, “Oooo, I’m a creature of the night look at what sustains me” yeah uh huh a fucking lack of basic hygiene is what I’m seeing and it is not impressive!! At all!! My nephews are three years old and they drool less than you do!! You’re how many centuries old?!?! ACT LIKE IT
Me, very loudly, while sticking my neck out: Gosh, I hope no vampires bite me. That’d suck. Being bitten by a vampire, that is. Boy, I sure do hope there are no vampires waiting to come out and bite me while my neck is so open and exposed like this. I’d sure hate to have that happen.
Do you want to *be* a vampire or are you so touch starved you need a creature of the night to mouth fuck your neck
I really like the idea of an immortal being who loves memes
‘You’re 1008 years old why are you laughing so hard’
‘My friend, i have been alive countless human lifetimes and seen many things. I have seen the original production of hamlet, seen the king of rock himself perform, even rode horses with the king henry the 8th but i have never seen anything as entertaining as a surreal meme’
‘Wtf you’re like an ancient vampire and your favourite fucking joke is dat boi are you serious’
Penhales 